How to have a happy thanksgiving.
1. Don’t visit someone’s house without bringing food if you were asked to.
2. Don’t sit and talk exclusively to your family unit. You are there to visit all of your family, not the 3 people you love best. Quit being a dick/snob and get to know your other family members.
3. Don’t disappear for two hours without telling someone where you are going. Preferably your spouse.
4. Don’t be a jackass or bitch and talk about things that you know are going to upset other people. No politics, no religion, no gun or abortion discussion. Small talk only. Asking about one’s health is fine. Talking about movies, fine. Talking about Darfur or the last hurricane - don’t go there.
5. Eat within reason and then no matter what the host says, help clean up. Under no circumstances do you leave your plate or glass somewhere other than the kitchen when you leave the house.
6. Leave your cell phone in your pocket, on silent or in the car. You came to visit - if you didn’t, stay home. No one wants to hear 12 of your funny ringtones or see you play games or sit on Facebook.
7. If you are dragged to someone’s house that you don’t enjoy being at and you’d rather be home with your electronics or with friends, well tough titties. Grow up and learn how to visit with people. Usually, this is your family who would have your back in a minute if you got to know them. And they will be your family for your entire life and they will ALWAYS remember the year you were a snob.
8. Remember the name of the holiday - Thanksgiving - be grateful for these people in your life even if you don’t like them. Be nice.